Intentional Living; Living With Intention

According to my dear friend Wiki “Intentional living is any lifestyle based on an individual or group’s conscious attempts to live according to their values and beliefs.”

 

Seems pretty straight forward right? You’d think so. For me not so much. I’ve been seeing a lot about intentional living and I’ve decided that I want to give it a try. I have my own beliefs and values that I stand by but I’ve always been the girl that wants to fit in. whether it’s pretending to be someone I’m not or be interested in something when it’s the complete opposite. I’ve decided enough is enough. It’s time to be myself, to live intentionally.

I am a God fearing, county loving, wife, daughter, sister, and Momma of three. I have everything that I have ever dreamed of and more. I’ve been truly blessed in my life and yet I’ve always struggled with showing the world who I am in my heart. Truly the only person who has seen all sides of me is my dear husband. (Bless his heart…all sides aren’t too pretty.)

 

  • I’m fearful of change
  • I’m stubborn
  • I’m a follower of Jesus
  • I fear failure
  • I’m empathetic (sometimes over the top)
  • I’m emotional ( again, sometimes over the top)
  • I’m a lover
  • I’m a fighter (not my greatest attribute except when im fighting for what I love)
  • I procrastinate
  • I’m a perfectionist
  • I love to deeply
  • I break easily
  • I care too much
  • I let others judge me
  • I allow that judgment to change me
  • I push my beliefs aside
  • I fear confrontation with strangers
  • I’m outgoing
  • I’m shy
  • I’m outspoken
  • I’m selfless
  • I’m still trying to find myself…

 

Intentional living sounds like a walk in the park. It’s being yourself. Having babies at a young age didn’t allow me much time in finding who I am. Don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t change my life with my babies for anything, I love the life I have with them each and every day. I just have to work a little harder at finding who I am outside of being Mommy. So today or rather tonight (11:25 PM) I have decided to start my journey with intentional living.

I will focus on my beliefs and values for the next month, hopefully it will continue and be my new way of living but for right now we’re starting small. 30 days. My goal is to find myself, and to stop compromising my values and beliefs for those around me and to learn to love and accept myself.

I will post about my journey once a week and update everyone on how it’s going and what I’ve learned. Wish me luck, I’m wayyyy out of my comfort zone!

 

Co-Sleeping Struggles

 

I’ve co-slept with all of my babies, I know people that don’t/didn’t  co-sleep think its nuts. My Mom does. I have nothing against those people. Sometimes I envy them! Like now for instance when I’m fighting with my four year old every night to sleep in his own bed. We have a queen size bed (I’m fighting for my husband to agree to buy a king!!) My 6 month old daughter, my husband, and I all sleep in the bed every night. To me I love it, I love having my baby right next to me through the night, especially with breastfeeding. It’s so convenient! And I’m lucky enough to have a husband that supports my decision to co-sleep without any frustration.

Well our four year old slept with us until the baby was born and he’s still having a hard time adjusting. He has his own bed and in our old house his room was right across from ours and he was okay with sleeping in it every now and then. Well in our new house we have a split floor plan and he’s on the other end of the house. He will not sleep in his bed no matter what we try. He usually passes out on the couch and then will wake up in the middle of the night or early morning and try to climb in bed with us. It ends the same every time, either my husband gets kicked out of the bed and sent to the couch and my son hops in bed with me and his sister or him and daddy go sleep on the couch together… either way it’s not ideal. We’ve tried having him watch a movie in his room, laying in his bed with him until he falls asleep, moving him from the couch to his bed when he falls asleep you name it; we’ve tried it!

I see so many parents that co-sleep with more than one child and their husband and sleep comfortably and I applaud them to no end, because I have no idea how they do it. (I want the king size bed just for the three of us to sleep more comfortably, not to fit another child.)

Although we’ve been working on this for half a year, I don’t see it as being worth the fight. We are the ones that allowed him to sleep in our bed in the first place I can’t get upset that he still wants to. I just pray that someday soon we are able to coax him into his own room…

Are there any other parents that have this issue? I hope we aren’t alone in this… Maybe we let him co-sleep for too long? Who knows?!?

Okay, Mommy rant done. Time to put all of the monsters to bed… Wish us luck!!!  

Moms Need A Break Too!

Going anywhere by myself is a very rare thing. Even if I’m lucky enough to get out of the house without the boys there’s a 99.9% chance the baby will be attached to my hip.

Today I went shopping By. Myself! *gasp* Chris was home and he kept all three kids with him so I could have some time to alone.

I walked around the store,  looked at stuff I didn’t need, tried on clothes I’d never buy. Looked through the baby department- of course!

It was incredible!! It was peaceful! No kids ripping at my clothes, or hair. Screaming or fighting with each other. I recommend it to every mom out there. I was only gone an hour  and that was plenty.

It’s okay to want to get away and be by yourself away from your kids. I use to feel like a terrible person for wanting to escape for a little while but I’ve come to realize that I NEED that time away to stay sane. Even if its just going to the grocery store alone. Us moms deserve a little time to unwind, away from home, away from our husbands and kids.

Being away for an hour was enough to help me feel refreshed and I made out with two new shirts! win!! I came home to happy kids and a happy husband.

 

My daughter crawled right over with a big smile,ready to eat…

Breastfeeding

There is a lot of controversy for women that breastfeed. I have made my opinions on it very clear, I think if a baby is hungry you feed them. Common sense, right? Apparently not. I don’t agree with having to cover your baby while they eat in public, or to run off to feed them elsewhere like your car or the nasty bathroom stall. I told my husband that with Paityn I would feed her wherever and whenever without a cover, and without shame. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case. I found myself fearing what others would say, or the nasty looks I would receive. I didn’t know what would be said in front of my two other children about their Mom feeding their sister. I was afraid.

The first time that I fed her in public I was at Walmart. I have this really cute car seat cover that doubles as a nursing cover.  I put it on and walked around the store feeding her under the cover. The whole time I was staring at everyone that was staring at me, I knew exactly what they were thinking- okay, maybe not exactly what they were thinking, but I knew the subject of their thoughts. Even with a cover they knew I was breastfeeding. I kept pulling the cover out to re-latch her, because she hated the cover as much as I did. I gave up, put her back in her car seat and we hurried to leave the store. When I got home I felt so ashamed that I couldn’t do what I believed in for fear of judgment like so many other women have received. I sat down with my husband and told him how hard it was and how the looks on strangers faces were burned into my brain.  I felt like a terrible mom for not being able to do what was best for my baby because of my own insecurities.

6 weeks postpartum and I am finally gaining the confidence to feed her how she should be fed. Like a baby! You wouldn’t throw a cover over a bottle fed baby, so why is breastfeeding so different? Because, breasts are sexualized. That’s not what they were made for. They were made to produce nutrients to your baby. And nursing is in no way a sexual act and needs to stop being looked at as such. No nipple is shown, sometimes stomach and maybe some cleavage. No more then what you show in a swimsuit. And for the most part swimsuits seem to be acceptable.

The first time I nursed freely and confidently, it was hot! Way too hot to have a blanket over me or her and she was hungry. We were outside at a baseball game and just holding her made the both of us sweat. I bought these awesome “muscle shirts”-as my husband calls them. They pull to the side comfortably and allow me to nurse without pulling my shirt up or down. I pulled that shirt over and popped her on. That was the first time she nursed in public where I felt she was comfortably nursing like she does at home. This time, I didn’t pay any attention to looks that were given to me. Except for one mom who looked at me and gave me a huge grin. She too had a baby. It was like a mom salute of approval. I realized I wasn’t alone, millions of women breastfeed in public every day. I think its safe to say that with the controversy going around many of those women were afraid of the same judgment that I was. By nursing freely maybe I will help another mom that isn’t comfortable with it, feel comfortable. To know that at least one person won’t be judging her. Us moms need to start sticking together and help breastfeeding to be normalized amongst society. It is a beautiful thing, and I am so grateful that I am able to breastfeed my youngest, as that wasn’t an option with my older two.

I’m not a feminist, I don’t think women should run around flaunting their private business, but I am a mom! As a mom I believe that we should be able to care for our children without worrying about what others might say or think. Whether that be formula fed or breastfed at Walmart. No Mother should ever be ashamed to care for her child in whatever way that child needs.

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The Perfect Mom

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Have you ever wondered if you’re a good mom, or if you’re just failing miserably? I know I certainly have. Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be a mommy, I wanted my own family and a house full of kids. I got my wish and now have a family of my own, a house full of kids that is covered in toys, I make a different meal for each kid 3 times a day because they can’t like the same things, that would be too easy. I break up fights, I kiss boo-boo’s, I yell, and I cry. Being a mom is great and full of rewards, but it’s also exhausting and I don’t always keep my cool.

I daydream of being the perfect mom, one that plays for hours on end, and still manages to have a spotless house. One that buys only organic foods, cooks big healthy meals 3 times a day, and the kids actually eat it! I’d have all the energy in the world. We’d go to the zoo or aquarium every weekend, head to the park after homework was done, never get frustrated or yell… There may be moms as perfect as this but I am not one of them.

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I have a sink full of dishes and a basket and dryer full of clean clothes that need to be folded. I’m staring at the basket as I type this. The “home cooked meal” I will make tonight will come from a Hamburger Helper box. The laundry will pry still be sitting there in the morning, but I plan on doing the dishes! Ha! At some point today I will pry get frustrated, I will pry yell, and I may even cry.

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I’m not a perfect mom, not the one I daydream about. But, I know in the eyes of my kids I’m good enough. We may not go to the zoo on the weekends or spend evenings at the park behind our house, but we dance around in our pjs, build forts out of the kitchen chairs, have movie nights that consists of tons of junk food. We constantly laugh together, we have inside jokes and act like complete goofballs. We tell silly stories, and sometimes they even cuddle up with me and listen to me read them a story. We do a lot of arts & crafts, paint, and color together- Pinterest is a mom’s best friend!

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Chances are I’m not failing. My kids are all fed, they have clothes and more toys then they could possibly need, they have a PlayStation, tablets, and my oldest has a phone. Other than material things, they have two parents who love them more than anything. Who spend their days doing everything they can to give their kids the life they deserve. No matter how hectic our day is we make sure that we do at least one thing as a family every night. I wish I could ignore all my other duties and play all day long but unfortunately life doesn’t work that way. I do however stop whatever I am doing to listen to my very animated 3 year old tell me his awesome stories, or my 9 year old telling me about a video game that I know nothing about.

I will continue to work towards that “perfect mom” goal, and fight with my 3 year old about eating vegetables, and my 9 year old about the need to shower every day!!  But as for right now, I’m not failing and chances are, you’re not failing either! ​​

Bundle Of Joy

I’ve been a little busy lately and was unable to give Mom Uncut the attention she deserves. Hopefully now I will be able to pick back up where I left off.

In my defense I was having a baby! That’s right, the princess has arrived!!

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Little Miss Paityn Grace, was born on 3/21 at 8:12 pm weighing 6lbs 11oz 19.25” long and she is perfect! Here is how my life has been leading up to her arrival and after.
She was breech until 36 weeks when we did an ultrasound to check and see if a c-section needed to be scheduled I was very happy to hear that she had flipped. 37 week appointment I was 3 cm and she wasn’t engaged. 38 week appointment 3 cm and she still wasn’t engaged. I was in loads of pain, I could hardly move or take care of my other two children. I was overly exhausted from getting a maximum of two hours of sleep a night. I was miserable!! 39 week appointment was at 8:00 am. I went in and asked my doctor to please do a membrane sweep. I had one with my second baby and it worked great, I went into labor with him 24 hours later. My doctor agreed and did the sweep and scheduled an induction for 41 weeks. At this point I was 4 cm, head still not engaged. I got home and my husband was heading out the door for work. At around 9:00 am I went to the bathroom and had my bloody show and was cramping so bad!! I called my husband and told him there was a really good chance I was in labor. I ended up going to the hospital around 11:00 and I was admitted! Yay!! I was so happy.

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Chris got there a few hours later when they were getting ready to start the Pitocin drip. My labor was progressing, just very slowly. Shortly after I received my beloved epidural. **I have loads of respect for mothers who choose to have non medicated births. I am not one of them, I have had an epidural for all 3 kids and love them.** The doctor came in and broke my water, I told him to stick around because once my water is broken my babies are born fast. 45 minutes later the nurse came in and I let her know that my left side wasn’t numb, I could feel the contractions on that side, I had full control over my leg etc. she said she thought I was ready and checked me, then went and grabbed my doctor.  It was time to push, and I could feel it! I was terrified but knew that there was nothing we could do at this point or rather the doctor kept telling me there was nothing we could do.. After what felt like hours of pushing my baby girl was on my chest. There is nothing that compares to the first time you hold your baby. My heart was happy and I was in love!

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I had every intention of breastfeeding Paityn but was worried I would struggle like I did with my second. My second wasn’t able to latch and I wasn’t able to produce enough milk to support his needs. I was stressed my whole pregnancy thinking that I wouldn’t be able to breastfeed, once again, and this was my last chance. I tried to feed her right when she was born and she immediately latched. I was so happy and relieved! Unfortunately, that was the only time I could get her to fully latch. I caved and requested that the nurses bring in formula for her because I knew she was starving. 24 hours at the hospital and we were able to go home and relax in our own house. For a couple days Paityn drank solely formula, I had completely given up and didn’t plan on trying again. I was devastated that I couldn’t do it and didn’t want to get my hopes up. I took a shower one night and was cuddling with her on the couch after. We were doing skin to skin and I believe the warm water from the shower is what started it, while holding her my milk came in and I had a huge let down, she turned her head and latched on, all by herself. I started crying!! My husband said that I was a completely different person at that point and he was right. I had been very emotional and hurt and I thought it was pry just hormones but I know that me not being able to breastfeed played a huge part in bringing me down. I am now 100% nursing with no supplementation and no pumping, as she will no longer take a bottle… or a pacifier, she uses me for that as well. And I couldn’t be happier with it!!

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I craved having the bonding experience breastfeeding mothers have and now I finally get to have it. She is a complete mama’s girl, even when my husband is holding her and giving her all the attention she wants if she cant hear my voice or see my face she yells until she does. I say yell, because she doesn’t cry. She is such a good baby, she sleeps 4 hours at a time, wakes up to eat and have her diaper changed and then she is back to sleep. She doesn’t cry when she wakes up or when she is irritated/agitated. She just lets out a big yell and then waits.
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Her brothers, Chase and Bentley are smitten by their little sister. They have been loving on her since they first saw her in the hospital. Bentley has never been around another baby before so he wasn’t entirely sure what to think about everything. When he met her at the hospital he stared at her with a big smile on his face but i could tell he was still trying to process it. I told him that he could touch her, so he poked her forehead… He loves helping with her as much as he can and he hates when she fusses, he thinks it means she is hurt. The big thing was seeing me breastfeed her. He was quite concerned about it. He calls nipples “pimples” and he tells his sister to let go of my pimples every time she starts eating. Chase is more use to having a baby in the house since he is the oldest. He has been a huge helper and always asks if there is anything Paityn or I need.

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Paityn is now two weeks old and we are starting to get into a better routine, especially with planning feedings-as best as possible, so they fit around Chase’s baseball games/practices, and picking up and dropping him off at school which has been the biggest change for me. As well as trying to make sure I eat enough of what she needs. She is doing great and we are all enjoying every minute of our new addition. Today we had our two week check up,  I was happy to hear that she went from 6lbs 11oz to 7lbs 5oz. the doctor said that the biggest thing that they want to see at the 2 week appointment is that they are back to what they weighed at the hospital and shes surpassed that! To me, her gaining weight is very exciting because it tells me that i’m doing this whole breastfeeding thing right.
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I ho​pe you enjoy the pictures of our sweet princess and hopefully I will be able to write more often!

My Truth About Marriage

“A happy marriage is about three things: Memories of togetherness, forgiveness of mistakes and a promise to never give up on each other.” -​Surabhi Surendra

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​I haven’t been married for long, and I’m no expert that’s for sure. But I have been with my husband for a while now and have learned a lot over the years.
Before we got married people told us how hard marriage was, that it wasn’t a fairy-tale or a walk in the park, which it’s not. But we had been dating and living together for a while before making that commitment.You see, we did everything backwards. We found out we were pregnant after only 7 months of dating, we moved in together. Then, my husband adopted my oldest son, then we bought a house of our own, shared a joint bank account, and purchased 2 vehicles together. A few years after that we finally said “I do” and started trying for that 3rd baby. Sold our first home, and made a major move away from all that I ever knew.

We’ve lived as a married couple for almost 5 years fighting to not be another number on the statistics chart. I haven’t seen many marriages work in my life. I’m fact, I’ve seen many fail. For the most part everyone I know is on their second or even third marriage. Seeing this helped me to decide that I don’t believe in divorce. I believe that my husband and I committed to love each other through sickness and health, until death do us part. To me, that doesn’t mean when he’s healthy or when he has a cold I will still love him, that’s a given. To me that means no matter how much I don’t like him one day I will always love him. It means through the good and the bad and the very bad!

You may think 5 years, what does she know?! Well we have gone through more than most married couples ever should in 5 years. But we have grown and learned so much in those years.

Here are a few things I’ve learned in those 5 short years.

Communication
Communication is key! You will hear it a million times from every married person you meet. We lacked communication for a brief period in our relationship and it nearly broke us. This one was hard for my husband. We are night and day. I communicate about everything (especially stuff he doesn’t want to hear) I have no secrets, I hold nothing in. I’ve been this way my entire life. (Both a blessing and a curse) My husband however, is quieter. He doesn’t like confrontation, he didn’t care to talk about something if he knew it would cause one or both of us to be upset. Over the years he has realized that talking about something rather than avoiding it helps us much more in the end.

When you lack communication, your problems never magically disappear.- you may not think of them for a while, but they are there. They are buried underneath all the other problems you never talked to your spouse about, and one day you WILL explode!

Compromise
This is a huge one for me. I am stubborn, and very set in my ways. My husband is stubborn to an extent but he’s much better at this one then I am. When I believe in something, whether it’s a specific form of discipline for our kids, or, dealing with my husband playing video games all the time. It was hard for me to get past how I thought our marriage should be, and truly enjoy it for what it is. When you’re unwilling to compromise with your spouse you lose the connection with them. It will cause fights and disagreements and it will cause tension that everyone can feel. Learn to make decisions together, and try things out to find what works for you both.

Trust
We both struggled with this one but for me trust is very hard, I have been let down and walked out on many times in life. I have felt abandoned and betrayed by both family and friends. People that I love. It took a very long time for me to allow my husband in completely, to fully trust him and believe that he wouldn’t abandon me. To let down the huge wall I built to shut everyone out, especially him. Since allowing him to knock that wall down, our marriage has been much stronger. With trust comes safety. I now am able to feel safe with my husband. When I have a bad day I no longer feel alone, even when he has hurt my feelings, the only person I want comforting me is him. Something about being wrapped in his arms takes every worry, stress, and heartache away. Trust is a huge deal in a happy and healthy marriage. Unfortunately, I don’t know how to give advice on achieving this one, since for me it came over time. It was baby steps, brick by brick and some days when I would worry again a brick would go back up. I can tell you to be patient, or for your spouse to be patient because eventually you will let that wall down and when you do it will open a whole new world for you and your relationship.

Fighting/ Disagreements/ Pissed Off
Suck it up buttercup. You’re going to fight, you’re going to disagree, and you’re going to piss each other off. More than once! Before we took charge of communication, compromising, and trust we fought, a lot! I use to wonder if it was always going to be this hard. If we were always going to have to work on not fighting. My stubbornness and need for communication played a huge roll in our fighting. I have to communicate every little thing with my husband and he never listened or from my point of view, didn’t care. We fought about the dumbest of things. From Helping out around the house, to money, to him playing video games. Don’t get me wrong we still argue and he still pisses me off, as do I him. But we have learned that yelling at each other only makes it worse. Going to bed angry with issues not yet solved really is a bad idea. Before, we fought about everything under the sun and it was constant, we were destroying our relationship and destroying each other. One day we both had enough! We talked. Really talked, about everything. Since than we have been able to work together and build our relationship up to something it has never been before. Once you realize that you can’t change who someone is, you can only compromise through communication your marriage will be much smoother. We are both happy and have transformed our relationship in so many ways. What we were before is unrecognizable to what we are now.

Out of everything we fought about, money was the biggest one, living paycheck to paycheck. Trying to make ends meet comfortably, it was hard. We were both stressed and overwhelmed. We fought about it all the time, rather than realizing we weren’t in this alone. This effected both of us in the same ways. We were fighting over something that we couldn’t control. Instead, we should have been there to have the others back when the overwhelming feeling sunk in and we felt hopeless. We should have comforted each other instead of playing the blame game. -which got us nowhere, every time!!!

I don’t have a perfect marriage, nor do I want one. Sure I still don’t like the occasional arguments but everything we have gone through, has helped us to grow both individually and together, to be stronger, to work together, and to need each other. Before, we only wanted each other. We didn’t truly need each other- there is a big difference. I’ve learned that yelling at my husband gets me nowhere, but talking to him like an equal does. He’s learned to listen more and that when I do get in a mood and act like a butthole to simply say “but, I love you.” And it stops me dead in my tracks. How do you continue to be angry at someone when they say they love you? I’ve learned to put my stubbornness aside and to muster up an apology even when it taste bitter and to show that I still love him, even on the days that I don’t necessarily like him.

He has grown to be my best friend (even though he hates that saying because he thinks it makes us sound like loners-which we are! Kids will do that to you…) he has become my other half, and has helped to heal me in ways I never thought someone else could. He has taught me to battle my demons and face them head on and he has helped me to be a better person. He has shown me compassion when I didn’t deserve it and love when i wanted to punch him in the face. He has held me when all I wanted to do was run and if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t be the person or mother that I am today.

Marriage is hard! It’s dirty, and it’s not always fun. It’s scary, beautiful, and at times, totally disgusting. But it is worth it! Every fight, every battle wound, they don’t compare to the love that you can grow together. The love that makes your kids say “gross!!!” That’s when you know you’re doing it right!

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